Being Decent

 

 

                It seems today that decency is becoming a lost virtue. Always in a hurry, people place a higher priority on their own agenda than on the other human beings that they encounter on a daily basis. This is especially the case when the people surrounding them are strangers, though by no means are family members immune.

                Evidence of the growing threat of Decency Deficit Disorder (DDD) infecting our society are things like road rage, intolerance, lawyers, and politicians. The last of which is a scourge too complex to be covered in here. It deserves its own in depth article and probably a series of lengthy books.

                I grew up during the 1970’s. My time was split between two places. During the school year I lived in West Memphis, Arkansas, a city of around 25,000 people. West Memphis was a typical southern city, mostly white but with a growing black and Mexican population. The equal rights struggles had left hard feelings on both sides and depending which area of the city you were in it was very evident. Simply put, there were places you didn’t go if you were the wrong color.

                Being a white kid I honestly had no idea what prejudice was and, I am sorry to say, I had no idea that black people were called anything but the “N” word. That was simply a product of the time and place where I was raised. To this day it is something that I am ashamed ever happened.

                It wasn’t until I was in 4^th grade that I had my first black friend, his name was Corey. We played together at recess on occasion and sat by each other in class for a while. It was around this time that I began to realize that a lot of what I had learned was wrong, but I soon found out that I had a long way to go.

                Even though prejudice was rampant where I was raised, I was always taught to be decent to everyone. At church I was taught the “Golden Rule”, Do unto others as you would have done unto you. In other words, treat people how you want them to treat you. Being the somewhat naïve child that I was I truly thought that applied to everyone.

                The next year my class took a trip to the state capitol and we had to bring our own lunch. About noon we spread out on the lawn of the capitol building and sat down to eat. While I was opening my bologna and cheese sandwich I noticed that one of my fellow students, who also happened to be black, didn’t have anything to eat so I offered him half of my sandwich. He said thank you and sat by me while we ate. I asked him why he hadn’t brought a lunch and he told me that his mother had made him one but that his dad had come home drunk that morning and eaten it so he didn’t have anything.

While we sat there and talked I also shared my chips and drink with him. Giving up one of my Twinkies was a bit more difficult but I bit the bullet and shared that too. One of the teachers saw what was happening and told me that while what I did was nice I shouldn’t have done it because I would probably be hungry later since I didn’t get to eat my whole lunch, and that he should have made sure to have something to eat. I said “yes ma’am” but in my heart I knew I had done the right thing. The decent thing.

I have tried to carry that thought with me throughout my life. It doesn’t matter to me what your color, nationality, religion, status, or anything else is, I will always put forth the effort to be decent to you. Now if we could just get everyone else to do the same. Much of the problems we have with racism, religious intolerance, and just hatred in general could be avoided if we just simply chose to treat our fellow man with decency.

The homeless man behind the dumpster in the alley deserves the same descent treatment as the man in the multi-million dollar mansion. The Muslim deserves the same decent treatment as the Christian or Jew. Our stations in life and our differences should not be things that create barriers to compassion. Instead they should be celebrated as learning experiences.

Growing up as a white protestant southern American patriot with a soft spot for the Confederacy I had a very narrow view of certain things. I was taught that certain things were right and certain things were wrong, and to a point this was right. I found out however that many things I had been taught were just wrong. Even some things I was taught in church turned out to be misunderstandings of either scripture or other religions beliefs.

In fact, almost everything I learned about Catholics and Buddhists turned out to be completely false. Yet while the people who taught me these things didn’t do it maliciously, what they taught was wrong even if they didn’t know it. Erroneous teachings like this have been the catalyst for many hate related incidents and far too much strife.

The easy solution to this would be for those who teach it to have the decency to learn about what they are teaching instead of simply recycling what they have been told. In order to understand what Catholics believed, I actually asked Catholics what they believed. I spent time talking to priests and lay people, and was given a copy of the Catechism. I found out that I had been taught many misconceptions about their faith, and while I haven’t converted to Catholicism, I have a much better and truer understanding of it. I did the same with Buddhists and I’m currently working on understanding Islam.

Decency comes from understanding and compassion. When you put forth the effort to try to understand someone’s situation it helps to make a connection. Having a connection to a person helps to foster compassion, and when you have compassion for another human being you will treat them with decency and respect. Every person deserves to be treated with decency, compassion, and, dare I say it, love.

Let’s stop believing the lies that keep us separated and compartmentalized into neat little demographics that the media and political pundits can use to further divide us. Instead let’s start to bridge those gaps. Go out of your way to make friends with people of other colors, races and religions. Show kindness to those who are less fortunate. In fact, show kindness to those who are more fortunate also.

Cultivate a habit of decency toward every person. Treat others how you would want them to treat you if you were in their position. By doing this we will begin to change how we see others. That homeless bum holding the “Will work for food” sign will become a man in need. The drug addict, prostitute, thief, mugger, gang banger, Muslim, life long criminal, illegal alien, the kid who picked on you in 3^rd grade, all of these will begin to turn into human beings. Which, in reality is what they were all along. The problem was that we chose to see a label instead of life.

When we begin to see others as human beings and treating them with the same decency we want for ourselves will become happier with our own lives. By choosing to treat others with decency and compassion we can change not only ourselves but others as well. Happiness is contagious after all.

Make a conscious choice to cultivate a habit of decency toward others. Don’t give money to the homeless man you pass every day, invite him to lunch. Give a cup of hot cocoa to the freezing prostitute on the corner. Start small and build on whatever you do. Make it a habit and don’t ever stop.

It may not always be easy and it certainly won’t always be fun, but it is the right thing to do. Not only for others but ourselves also.