Honesty or mean-ness?

Over the years I have heard people describe their speech as “Brutally Honest”. But what is Brutal honesty, and is it necessary?

 

           In answer to that I will say that, yes, SOMETIMES “brutal honesty” is necessary in order to get someone to understand something. People can be fairly thick headed at times and a shock to the system is exactly what is needed to bring them back to reality.

 

Yet, there is a time and place for everything. I have often seen “brutal honesty” used as an excuse for simply being mean and insulting to another person. “I’m just being honest,” is the phrase most often used to excuse this rude and un-necessary behavior. This is closely followed by “If you don’t want my opinion don’t ask for it”.

 

It is those same “honest” people who tend to fly into a rage when the same type of “honesty” is used on them. Why is this? Honestly, it is because it hurts. These people are fine with hurting someone else but cannot tolerate it being reciprocated back to themselves.

 

As those of you read my last article know I am all for honesty. I prefer it to being lied to any day. Even if the truth hurts, I would rather know the truth and be hurt than believe a lie. Which, coincidentally, brings me back to my subject, Brutal honesty.

 

Yes, there are times when the truth is going to hurt. There may even be times when the truth is devastating. That does not mean that the truth HAS to hurt. Let me give you an example.

 

Several years ago I was working in a restaurant and one of the employees came in to check the schedule. She was wearing a new outfit that she had just bought and to be honest it was not flattering. In fact is looked awful on her. She however loved it. Knowing the young lady has a habit of fishing for compliments (she had very low self-esteem) several of us eyed each other with a look that said “I hope she doesn’t ask me how she looks.” That particular day luck was not on my side.

 

The question was asked and, since I had already formulated a response, I said, “That is definitely your style. Where did you get it?” But before she could respond another person who happened to be close by said “Don’t lie to her, she looks like a f***ing cow. You need to throw that s**t away.”

 

As you can probably guess this didn’t sit too well with the young lady and she left in tears. It was intentionally said to be mean and hurtful. When confronted about what the person said she flippantly replied, “I was just being honest. It ain’t my fault if she can’t take the truth.” Yet in my dealings with this “honest” person I quickly determined that she could not stand for anyone to speak to her the way she had just done to someone else. Even going to the extreme of threatening physical violence.

 

I could give you several more cases but I think you understand my point. Honesty does not have to be mean and hurtful. When I said “That is definitely your style,” I was being completely honest. This young lady did have a rather odd style when it came to clothing choices. If she had asked if I liked it I would have been equally honest and said, “It’s not really my style but if you like it that’s all that matters.” Did she look like a cow? Well, I have to say there was a rather bovine quality to it but that’s not the point. She liked the way she looked and it made her feel good. Her boyfriend, who also had rather eclectic tastes, liked the way she looked too.

 

I guess what I’m saying is this: “Treat others the way you want them to treat you.”

 

Honesty is always the best policy, but it doesn’t have to hurt. Use a bit of tact and kindness along with your honesty. Save the “brutal honesty” for times when it is absolutely necessary. I have a Facebook friend who says that he believes taking up arms to defend the constitution and freedoms in America is the coward’s way out. But since I think it may be the only way to save America he has basically labeled me a coward. I’m fine with that. I don’t agree, but I can accept his “brutally honest” opinion. He said this without being insulting or demeaning in any way. Which is exactly how honesty should be.